Fate Extra Days
by Windraider
Summary: A series of one shots from an alternate Fate Extra world. Mulitple pairings and characters. Rated T for a reason.  First time at attempting to write a true humour fic. Please go easy on me.
1. Chapter 1

**I decided that I just can't write a series when it comes to humour, as such I've decided to trash my previous fic Fate Extra night. Sorry about that.**

**I decided that working on a series of one-shots will be better. Since I've never written a humour fic before unless you count Fate Extra which was a failure, this will be my first one.**

**On a side note, Shiro will replace male MC. I've read the doujinshi, and found that Male MC is just a boring pervert. The female MC however is cute, and her character is simply awesome. She'll be the master of Archer instead.**

**Warning multiple pairings.**

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><p>Shiro was considered a genius magus at his age. In the very same league as Rin Tohsaka. He had taken code casting and runic artes to a whole different level allowing him to perform his own original style. He had become one of the most famous and dangerous target in the holy grail war.<p>

Yet he didn't know what to think of his servant. She was wild, eccentric and very aggressive. Yet she was gentle, protective, wise at times(Much to his disbelief) and most of all loyal to him. She was clearly very interested in him. He would have to be blind and deaf to miss out all those direct approaches she makes on him.

And she might actually make a good partner…if she wasn't aggressive to the point that she would try to rape him every few moments now and then. And that she literally blows any other girl to kingdom come. If Rin wasn't his ally, he was sure that she would have blown her up long ago. Not to the level of Aoko Aozaki, but he was sure that while she didn't have her powers, her character might have been just as bad.

No matter how he looked at it. His servant was definitely a yandere. She was obsessed much. No matter how much he tried to brush her off or even insult or push her away she just kept coming back for more.

"Say ahh…" He opened his mouth slowly to let the food come into his mouth.

"That's so cute master, now one more…" His servant waved the piece of fish around in front of him.

The poor master just sighed as he resigned himself to his fate. Allowing his servant to feed him, School was still in session, but she didn't care. She had stomped into the class, jinxed everyone except Rin and her servant. And perhaps Mika and Archer as well. Just so she could spoon feed him.

"_Have to say, much as she is scary and possessive. She does have the traits and quality of a great housewife." _There was no denying that. Yes, he had great skills in cooking, cleaning, sewing, fixing things and many more. But most of those still couldn't compare to hers. She simply did everything for him even before he had a chance.

Lancer called him a lucky bastard, but he disagreed. Ever since she came into his life, his freedom has been severely limited.

"Master? Is something wrong? Is the food not acceptable?" The fox servant asked. Her eyes turning watery.

"_Stay strong Shiro, ignore her for the moment."_ He shook his head. "No it's nothing…I was just thinking that I need to talk to Lancer later on. It concerns your teamwork and all." Not the complete truth but yes he did needed to talk to Lancer who was an expert on ladies.

"So long as it's not another girl I'm happy." She smiled as she stuffed a meat ball into his mouth. "So is it good? Is it too sweet? Maybe I have added in some more peppers." His servant pounded it as she picked up another piece of meatball, ready to shove it into his mouth.

Without waiting for his answer, she spoon fed him literally by shoving the food into his mouth.

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><p>"Lancr…I need your advice." Shiro asked as he looked left and right.<p>

The servant in blue simply smirked at him. "It's about your servant isn't it?"

"Is it that obvious?" The master sighed sadly.

"The way my master have been going on about how stressed you are these days I can't think of anything else." He replied. "She hadn't even bothered discussing strategies when it comes to you."

"I see…" He looked away. _"Do I really seem so pathetic?"_

"Your probably thinking do I really seem so pathetic?" Lancer clearly enjoying this. "And the answer is yes. No matter how I look at it, you are whipped."

"Tsk…Forgot about that." He looked away. "Anyway the important thing is do you know of anyway to deal with Caster? I don't have experience with girls, and I'm afraid that Rin and Maki will laugh at me I ask them for advice."

"So you came to me for advice? Boy, I've met and dealt with all sorts of girls in my time, even some similar to Caster."

"So you have an idea huh?" he sighed.

"Well, back when I was alive, I heard a piece of advice regarding yanderees." The servant rubbed his chin as he closed one eye, gazing intently on the young master.

"What is it? Tell me!"

He shrugged. "Well, they say you should try ignoring her. Act like she doesn't exists at all. I'm not sure how well it works, but before I died, I heard that it worked for one guy."

Immediately without warning, his younger counterpart hugged him yelling out thank you's none stop before running off. The servant in red simply stood there still staring off in shock. "Eww…I was just molested by a guy. I need a shower."

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><p>"Master!"<p>

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><p>"Master!"<p>

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><p>"Master!"<p>

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><p>"Master…?"<p>

Shiro mentally smiled to himself. Archer's advice was actually working. He felt cruel for bullying and ignoring his servant. But the feeling of freedom quickly overwrote the guilt. Caster had stolen his freedom long ago, and now she was paying for it.

All day long, he ignored her. When he went to the washroom, to the library, to class and so on. He didn't even care if she showed up in public she was good enough to just jinx everyone so that they don't even notice her.

After several hours of ignoring her, she felt almost ready to cry. Shiro on the other hand was in cloud nine.

Taking a stroll into the nurses office. He wanted to greet Sakura, and apologize for Caster nearly blowing her up a few days ago. But it was empty.

"Hmm…guess she's not here. Maybe I'll come back later." Turning about he tried to leave, only to come to a stop when he heard someone sniffing from the bed. He spared a glance towards that direction, and immediately turned away when he saw Caster crying.

*Sniff*Sniff*

"Master has gotten tired of me. I want to die!" She wailed as she sat on the bed. Her tail trashing left and right.

"_No you don't mean that literally."_ Shiro didn't need to be a genius to know that…

But at the same time even geniuses like him and Rin made mistakes. Sometimes it was because they were too smart and gifted that they did. Both were overconfident in their skills, and that made them neglecting in finding a catalyst. They were confident they could manage with their skills, and to a certain extend they did.

But they weren't prepared for the type of characters their servants was. Caster was a yandere fan girl. And Lancer was super play boy who often ditched Rin to go and flirt with girls. Mainly because of the new rules this grail war had, that others couldn't touch masters unless they wanted to be eliminated from the war.

"Master doesn't want me anymore!" The continuously wailing of Caster bought his mind back to attention. Part of him wondered if he took it too far. But the other part told him that she deserved it, and so he left her.

But as he was about to leave the room, something wrapped around his waist.

"Eh…"

Before he could think about it, he was pulled back. Letting out a startled cry as his back landed on the bed. Caster immediately leapt on top of him, where she began stripping herself.

"What are you doing Caster? Stop this at once!" The master began to panic as she now began to unbutton him.

"Since it's comes to this, I must resort to drastic measures. If simple pleasures can't make excite the master, perhaps this will!" By now she was trying to unbutton his pants.

*Woosh*

"Excuse me!" Archer and his master stepped into the room. But…

"Can't you see we're having a moment here? Buzz off!" Caster drew her talismans.

Both Archer and his master immediately backed off. "My bad, we're sorry." She raised both hands in surrender as she stepped back.

"Pardon our intrusion." The red servant said as he glanced towards Shiro with a smirk on his face. The said master was trashing about left and right, begging for help. But neither Archer nor his master was willing to give.

Closing the door shut, the two left Shiro and his crazed yandere servant alone in the room. Neither one willing to get in the way of her.

Throughout the day, sounds of moaning could be heard throughout the entire school, and when Rin came in to investigate, she quickly shut the door.

The last thing Shiro saw before he passed out from overexertion was the thumbs up sign Lancer gave him.

_"Fuck you Lancer, that's last time I'm going to ask you for advice when it comes to woman."_

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><p><strong>Like I said, this is actually my first time trying to write a humour cross one shot fics. So I;m a bit worried, can someone tell me how to improve it?<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi guys I'm back and doing one shots of Fate Extra, well enjoy.**

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><p>The air was thick, it radiated with a huge amount of power. A normal person would have been crushed by the pressure long ago. The reason for this was due to the showdown between two servants.<p>

However, this was not the normal showdown between two servants. This was a showdown between two servants who are fighting for their pride.

From the sidelines, sat Shiro Emiya, Mika Tatsumaki, Rin Tohsaka with her servant Lancer, Shin Tatsuyama and his servant Saber.

None of them were able to do anything to stop the battle, not even the powerful Saber was able to do anything.

All they could do was sit in the living room watching the two servant's as they stare each other down, neither one making a move.

"Unbelievable, to think your so proud of skills at this level. You should really reconsider your profession. Go back to being a pet, it suites you better." Archer sneered at his opponent. Cold eyes of steel glaring down at his new opponent that had appeared out of nowhere.

"Ah I'm sorry, did I wound your pride? His opponent said, getting a cocky attitude as she said that. "It's hard to control myself when my opponent is as useless as you."

Archer's glare felt like steel and the two began circling each other in the room. No one said anything, not Rin, nor Saber, and especially not Shiro who knew that the two of them were out of his league.

"But…" Caster's confident voice rang out. "It doesn't take a genius to know that I'm better than you. So maybe your just trying to salvage whatever bit of your pride left."

"Please…" Archer rolled his eyes, humour glittering beneath the coldness surrounding him. "Anything you can do, I can do better."

Caster snorted. "Yeah right. The day you beat me, is the day the heaven's fall."

"It's true." He shrugged his shoulders. "I can do anything better than you."

"No you can't!" Now it was Caster's turn to glare.

"Yes I can."

"No you can't."

"Yes I can."

"No you can't."

"Yes I can."

"Please…" Caster rolled his eyes. "It's obvious I'm better than you."

"No you're not." Archer retorted.

"Yes I am."

"No you're not."

"Yes I am."

"No you're not."

"Yes I am." Caster smirked at her now furious opponent. "I can change one ingredient to another."

To prove her point, she grabbed on orange on the table, and a moment later after a short burst of light, an apple was in place.

Archer was unimpressed.

"I…" He started, "can create all sorts of utensils as I wish at anytime."

Off course the red servant had to prove his point as well and two mixing bowls appeared in his hands.

Caster gave a short laugh. "I can hasten the cooking time by increasing the heat tremendously."

"Won't the food get burn?" Archer cocked his head to the side.

"Enchanted fire! I can make it so that it doesn't burn anything!" She announced proudly. Archer's face went blank.

"And here I was thinking you had some skills, in the end it's just a parlour trick." Archer allowed both his creations to fade away. His tone was flat and lacked any emotion even though his eyes danced with laughter.

From across the table, Caster growled in annoyance. She was sure that that she had up him on that round, but no he turned the tide in one go.

"Well…I'm more resourceful than you!" She shouted. "I can make a first class dish with using whatever ingredients there is!"

From under her sleeves she pulled out a dish covered in plastic foil.

Archer let out a laugh. "Well I can make a first class dish using terrible quality ingredients."

Like her, he pulled out a dish wrapped in plastic foil from his underneath his cloak.

"I made this first class dish using nothing but vegetables." She unfoiled the plastic and placed it on the table.

"I made this dish using rotting vegetables and some nearly spoilt sacks of meat." Archer countered as he did the same.

"Find…" She snapped. "But how did you do that anyway?"

"Practise, that and I'm just that much better than you." Archer smirked at her scowling face. The caster servant than snapped her fingers.

"Well…I bet…" She started. "My food is healthier than yours!"

"No it's not." He scoffed.

"All my food is made using pure organic oil, nothing artificial." Caster almost burst out laughing at his slightly defeated expression. She hoped that she could continue this victory streak.

"I can drink and not get drunk!" She shouted before shrugging. "At least not after a day of solid heavy drinking thanks to my constitution."

Archer smirked. "I can never get drunk since I can trace healing weapons into existence."

"But..I.." Caster shut her mouth to think for a moment. "I know! I can hack into the Serpah server to get extra ingredients."

"Would you get caught?" Archer inquired.

"Only if they could catch me which is impossible." Caster practically beamed.

"That's what I thought…you crook." Archer shook his head. "And I thought I was a shame to all servants."

"So?" Caster shrugged. "Doesn't change the fact that I'm still pretty much the perfect spouse there is. Sooner or later my maser will fall hopeless in love with cute adorable me."

Archer simply laughed. "Please, if I wanted too, I could have every girl in this school swooning over me if I wanted too."

Realizing that they were getting off topic, Caster quickly changed the subject.

"Well I can cook a perfect feast in just one hour." She challenged.

"I can cook a feast that is so good, normal people would fight over it." Archer replied.

"With my magic, I can do almost anything instantly in the kitchen."

Realizing that he had nothing to counter that he kept quiet to consider his options. Sure he had tracing, but that only allowed him to take care of the cutting issues. Just than a light bulb turned on in his head.

"Hey Caster." Archer asked.

"What?" She rudely replied.

"I can bake a pie." He stated.

"I—I…" She stuttered on her words for a moment before turning away. "I can't do that."

Archer began laughing.

Caster than began laughing, cutting him off. "Oh that's rich. Who would have thought that you were actually gay."

Archer's eyes and attitude went back to their usual cold selves, but his a smile remained on his face.

"Well this gay skill got me a date with the woman who almost became my wife before my untimely death."

At that statement, Caster shut her mouth.

Without warning she suddenly took out several talisman from within her robes. Archer had seen this move so many times, and in turn he summoned his twins blades.

Seconds later, the two servants began a fight that would determine just who was the supreme ruler of the kitchen.

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><p><strong>According to the story in Extra. Caster loves to cook, and in the Fate battle comic, it was shown that Archer has a lot of pride in his cooking, and is far better than Shiro's.<strong>

**He refuses to eat anything that is beneath him, and would challenge anyone for the right to cook.**

**Since Caster is a lover of cooking, I just thought up this stupid scene.**


End file.
